Life has never been the same since that otherwise peaceful summer day I took my first flight. After traveling south 60 miles to a college campus for a journalism conference, we took a break at the outdoor rec area. Other than the complete and utter amnesia, I remember it exactly as it just happened: there were two towering trees and suspended from them was a giant rubber band, in the middle of which was a harness to tether a person as a human sling shot. When pulled back and released the person in the harness would accelerate to tremendous speeds and reverberate back and forth between the trees in an unforgettable adrenaline thrill. After securing the volunteer in the harness, six hulking brutes would pull back on the rubber band and, on a count of three, simultaneously let go. Well, "count of three" is rather vague, isn't it? Does it mean "one, two, let go" or rather "one, two, three.....let go"? I assumed, to great distress, the latter. In this case, we had 5 offensive linemen and myself (at about 1/2 their weight) pulling back on the rubber band. They let go on "three" while I waited for "let go". For a moment, all was still and quiete as the rubber band first began to move with the individual securely harnessed and with me holding on with two hands. I'll never forget the thrill of accelerating at a such tremendous rate. I looked over at the fully-secured harnessed person and smiled. Nirvona! But life is short and as the rubber band extended and its acceleration became a negative quantity, I realised that I lacked the force to counter the inertia I had going forward. As the harnessed person, slowed, stopped and then started traveling the reverse direction, I thought that this should prove interesting. After a few quick calculations, I reasoned that since velocity was relative, I may be ok. Like superman, I was freed from the bounds of gravity. I flew! Arms outstretched, I felt a freedom never felt before. Looking back, I saw the sad, shrinking face of the restrained individual in the harness, trapped in the jaws of convention, jeolous of my independence and freedom. I was now outside the box. I flew and flew. At first, contact with the ground was surreal as I bounced and began rotating. Fortunetly, I hit my head on a tree which damaged enough neurons to produce an excellent anesthesia for the ensuing pain. When I awoke, I immediately diagnosed my condition as an injured "mallow" and while more crass readers would assume the worst, I actually held up my painful thumb, obviously referencing some ancient Latin or Greek derivitive of "mallot" even though I was poor at language arts. I was treated and released and no one has ever complained of my deformed mallow since. Shortly thereafter, the tree sling-shot was deconditioned and mention of it was banned though I now must speak out to warn others.